


A Bit of Fun / A Bit of Insanity

by infiniteeight



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, because I thought it might be confusing, but I wasn't sure if I should tag TOS, but not enough to make it worth tagging them, the rest of the crew technically appear, this is sort of a crossover with the original series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8027284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteeight/pseuds/infiniteeight
Summary: The Enterprise has encountered so many alternate versions of themselves that Jim has started having a little fun with the alternate crews when they pop up.





	A Bit of Fun / A Bit of Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> I'm picturing the alternate crew in this as the TOS crew, but they aren't explicitly TOS crew. Nevertheless, while I am downplaying the physical differences, I'm not pretending the two crews are totally identical, either.

Most Starfleet personnel never encounter an alternate version of themselves. Despite all the strangeness of space, it was an exceptionally rare event, encountered by only a handful of people in Starfleet’s history.

Until the _Enterprise_ , anyway.

The _Enterprise_ and her crew encountered some alternate self or another every couple of months. 

When they realized what was happening, Starfleet command sent a whole team of scientists to camp out on the ship to figure it out. Jim listened carefully to their explanation, determined that the various warps in spacetime and so on and so forth were neither fixable nor a danger to his crew and promptly moved on, sending the team straight back once it became clear they’d gathered all the data they could.

Fortunately for everyone, their alternate selves are harmless nine times out of ten. After a little trial and error, Spock drew up some standard procedures for handling the encounters quickly and cordially. Thanks to that initial research team, getting the alternate person or ship home was a matter of a few scans, some data sharing, and about twelve hours of processing time. It got to the point that the biggest bottleneck in the process was convincing the alternate crew to give Jim’s crew the data they need. It’s almost _boring_ by that point.

Jim hated it when things got boring.

On the scale of shit Jim did when he was bored, screwing with their alternate counterparts rated pretty low. Even Spock has conceded that, as long as he didn’t interfere with the threat assessment portion of the procedure (they’d only encountered one set of evil alternates, but it was memorable), it didn’t do any harm. Bones would roll his eyes and complain, but Jim knew that he was secretly entertained, too, because he didn’t just let it go anymore--instead, he played along.

It was surprisingly easy to unsettle the various other versions of Jim and his crew that they ran into. Maybe it was because none of the others had nearly as much experience with alternate realities (though most of them have had one or two encounters), or maybe it was because Jim’s reality was relatively unusual. The science wonks had explained it--something to do with quantum causality and branching realities--but Jim had long since forgotten the details. What it boiled down to, in the end, was that two years into the second five year mission they’d encountered a baker’s dozen alternate _Enterprises_ , and only two of them had Nero in their history. The others, aside from the evil _Enterprise_ , had more in common with each other than with Jim’s world.

After more than a dozen run ins with their alternate selves, Jim had developed preferences among the various ways to freak out the other Kirks, and this time was perfectly set up for his favorite.

They’ve invited the other crew’s senior staff over for dinner--a standard part of the “trust us with the data we need to get you home” schtick. They were off kilter from the moment they beam on board. Not that they show it, but Jim was familiar with the signs, and he could tell that alternate Spock had sensed the bond between Spock and Uhura and that the quiet murmur on their way out of the transporter room was him passing the information along to the rest of their command crew.

It took a few minutes to walk from the transporter room to the mess hall, and while the other crew couldn’t have failed to notice that Jim’s _Enterprise_ was substantially larger, Jim knew that the walk and the configuration of the interior were really bringing that fact home. The alternate Kirk hurried his steps a bit and came alongside Jim. “I’m curious,” he said, “why your _Enterprise_ is larger than ours. Starfleet in our reality felt that efficiency was important in long range exploration.”

It was a familiar question, and Jim has long since figured out how to handle it without bringing up his personal history or the time travel complexities of the _Narada_. Completely aside from his own desire not to relive those events every time one of these encounters happened, they tended not to inspire trust. “A rogue Romulan attacked and destroyed a Federation science vessel back in 2233,” Jim explained, keeping his tone relaxed and matter of fact. “It was a powerful reminder to the Federation that internal peace doesn’t preclude external threats, which kicked off something of a frenzy in research and development. Based on other encounters with alternate crews, we figure we’re about a century ahead of where you are, in terms of spaceship technology.”

The alternate Kirk frowned, and Jim had to suppress a smile. All Kirks were proud of their ships, and they hated to hear anyone had done better. “And what was the trade off?”

“We haven’t explored as far,” Jim admitted. “And we don’t have as many outposts. But we’ve had reason to be grateful that the outposts we do have are so well outfitted.”

Alternate Kirk just hummed, but his frown eased and Jim was sure he was congratulating himself on inhabiting the more peaceful, science-focused reality. Jim let him have the satisfaction.

They reached the mess hall, finding Scotty waiting for them, and collected their meals on trays before claiming a long table. Bones wasn’t there yet--all part of the plan--and Jim couldn’t help letting his grin out just a little when the crews settled into their seats and the alternate crew all noticed the empty place next to Jim and across from alternate McCoy. “Will your CMO be joining us?” alternate McCoy asked, nodding at the empty seat.

Jim knew that they and their alternates were, theoretically, genetically identical, but between epigenetic influences and the impact of the differing lives they’d lived, he could always see the the differences. Every time they met an alternate crew he couldn’t help but decide all over again that _his_ Bones was the best of the lot. But then, he was biased.

“Of course,” Jim said, smiling in anticipation, “he’s just running a bit late.”

The smile might have been a bit much, because both alternate McCoy and alternate Kirk took on a slightly suspicious air. They didn’t say anything, though, and when Jim waved them on, they started eating, conversation slowly picking up among the crews. It took longer than Jim expected for them to notice, and in the end he had to use his left hand to reach for a few things he didn’t actually want to move the set up along before Bones arrived. Pausing with his left hand holding his knife in mid-air while he answered a question did the trick, though.

“Is that a wedding ring?” alternate Kirk asked, so startled he interrupted the conversation. The rest of the alternate crew fall silent, turning to the Kirks in equal surprise.

Jim didn’t try to restrain his smile, beaming at his alternate. “Yes, yes it is.”

Alternate Kirk looked stunned. “Is that… recent?” 

Jim shook his head, savoring the moment even though he knew it was going to get better. “Three years now.”

“Your wife doesn’t mind you running off on an exploratory mission a year into your marriage?” alternate McCoy asked.

“I’m very fortunate,” Jim said, thinking of Sulu, “that my spouse is also assigned to the _Enterprise_.”

“If she’s on board,” alternate Kirk said, curiosity radiating off of him, “you really should have invited her to dinner.”

“I did,” Jim said. The succession of emotions this inspired in the alternate crew was beautiful to behold. First they processed confusion, because the only empty seat has been explicitly assigned to the absent CMO. Then that unsettled look came back, as they all decided that this meant that the absent CMO, thus far unnamed, must not be McCoy. Of course, that was quickly followed by surprise when they remembered that Jim had referred to his CMO as ‘he’, and he never referred to his spouse by a gender specific term. They all glanced uncertainly between their own Kirk and Jim. Finally, in a brilliant piece of timing that Jim would bet was intentional (no matter how he denied it, Jim was certain Bones used the security feeds to make sure he got his entrance just right), the mess hall doors slid open to admit Bones and the alternate crew’s expressions all descended into mingled bafflement and relief.

Bones picked up his meal and crossed the room to join them at the table. He set down his tray first, rested his left hand on Jim’s shoulder (perfectly placed to display his own ring), and said, “Sorry I’m late,” before leaning down to give Jim a long kiss hello.

Jim _loved_ these kisses. Bones was not normally a fan of public displays of affection, and when he did indulge Jim’s affection for them, it was normally in the form of a possessive hand or a quick, self-conscious kiss. But for this little bit of fun, he let himself show all the warmth and tenderness and love that he normally protected so carefully. Jim lost himself in the kiss, and couldn’t help the tiny sigh of satisfaction that he released when it ends. 

Bones pulled away and their gazes held for a moment, full of amusement and affection. Then he slid into his own seat and smirked at the alternate crew. “You might want to close your mouths before something flies into ‘em,” he drawled, starting in on his own meal.

Alternate Spock was, of course, the first to recover. “There is no such danger, Doctor,” he said, deadpan, “as environmental maintenance would never allow such a contaminant into the ship’s atmosphere.”

Bones snorted, but any reply he might have made is cut off by the alternate McCoy. “Do you need to get your head checked?” he demanded of Bones. “What on Earth possessed you to marry _Jim Kirk_ of all people?”

“Now, Bones,” the alternate Kirk protested.

Alternate McCoy waved him off, all his attention on Bones. “How long did you even know him before he roped you into this bit of insanity? If you’ve been married three years already, it can’t have been long, and I’m telling you, letting anyone sweep you off your feet is a mistake.” 

The alternate crews always assumed they’d been together as a crew about the same amount of time, just because they’re usually the same age. Bones raised an eyebrow. “I learned that well enough the first time I got married,” he said. “I knew Jim for eight years before we tied the knot.”

“And you’re happy?” Alternate Kirk asked, and though there’s curiosity there, and some skepticism, Jim thought he could hear wistfulness, too. 

Of all the differences between their universes that Jim envied their alternates for--and there were several--Kirk’s isolation (or independence, as other alternates had put it in the past) certainly wasn’t one of them. “Best decision I ever made,” he said simply, and shot Bones a warm smile. Bones smiled back, and when Jim turned away he saw alternate Kirk watching them with speculation. 

When he saw Jim looking at him, he turned to his own McCoy and donned a teasing grin. “Bones--”

“Oh no!” the alternate McCoy said sharply. He went so far as to lift a finger and shake it at his Kirk. “You put that look back where you found it, Jim Kirk.”

Jim grinned shamelessly at the show as the alternate McCoy went off on the alternate Kirk. This _never_ got boring.

~~End~~

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently created a Kirk/McCoy community over on Imzy. Imzy is still in private beta, but I'm enjoying it a lot so far. I have lots of invitations for the community, and I'd love to see you there! 
> 
> Go here to request an invite: https://www.imzy.com/kirk_mccoy  
> I'll send it as soon as I see the request.


End file.
